"Who the hell am I gonna pretend to be today?"

Because I am a giant kid, I love Halloween. Of course, I love any excuse to put on a costume and fun makeup, which means that I get extra Jewish around Purim every year. But this year, my cousin’s bat mitzvah is the Saturday of Halloween weekend, and I’m too old to go trick or treating on Sunday night, so I don’t get to dress up this year.

Which is tragic.

Especially because I was sick last year and missed Halloween then. And I had a REALLY awesome costume planned for last year. I was going to be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, which isn’t that surprising considering that’s always been one of my favorite movies. But I was going to bring Rosie with me. Not as Toto. I was going to put her in her OWN Dorothy costume, then tell people we had a little miscommunication about who was supposed to be Dorothy and who was supposed to be Toto.

And before you say that’s awful, look at how cute the dog ruby slippers are!

But no. My newspaper kids had to get me sick right before Halloween. (That’s right, Ben. I’m calling you out. That’s when you got the plague and gave it to me.)

Luckily, teaching high school has one MAJOR perk to it. No, I don’t mean getting the summer off. Or even being done with school at 2:30 every day (which really ISN’T a perk when you consider that I have to BE there at 7am every freaking day… I’d gladly get out a little later if school would start later). I’m talking about Homecoming Week.

No, I never cared about the game or the dance or who won King and Queen, even when I was in high school.  I loved it because it was a week of playing dress up. Of course, my least favorite day was spirit day at the end of the week. Mostly because our school colors were orange and black. And as my best friend reminds me every time I tell her I’m planning to kill someone, orange is NOT my color.

Now everyone who’s been a student in one of my classes knows that I’m not exactly Miss School Spirit. I hate wearing big, baggy t-shirts, and I REALLY hate wearing the exact same thing everyone else is wearing. (Which I proved the first time we had to wear our newspaper staff shirts on a distribution day when I was in high school. I had requested a smaller size, which Keegan refused to order, so instead of wearing the shirt with jeans, like every other staff member did, I wore mine with leopard-print leggings and knee-high boots. Keegan started ordering smaller shirts after that.) But when it’s an excuse to dress up in a creative way, I’m happy to show off my spirit.

It’s a little more difficult to do this in a high school setting than it is for Halloween, however, because all outfits have to stay school-appropriate. But it’s still do-able in most cases.

In previous years, I’ve pulled out some fun outfits. My personal favorite was on music genres day, when I decided to rock the disco look, complete with a one-piece denim, bell-bottomed jumpsuit, platform heels, and Farrah Fawcett waves. And my kids are always SHOCKED when I wear sneakers to go with a theme day. (They have no idea that I’m NOT actually 5’10 when I take off my heels.)

This year though, I’m struggling a little with what to do. I’ve already got my outfits picked out for Pajama Day and ‘80s Day (hello Madonna lace-gloves and leggings!), and as always, I’m skipping Wacky Tacky Day (because I don’t do tacky. Ever. Under any circumstances. No way. No how. And I know my mom is reading this and agreeing with me 100 percent), but this year they’ve added “Celebrity Day” and I don’t know what to do with that.

I’ve been asking my kids for suggestions, but so far, most of them aren’t appropriate for a teacher to do—aka J-Woww, Kim Kardashian, and Marilyn Monroe. (Side note, who the hell is Kim Kardashian? Like I don’t watch reality tv other than Jersey Shore, and as far as I can figure out, she’s famous for having a pretty face, a big ass, and no discernable talent. Is that really all it takes to be famous these days?) One student was sweet and offered to go as Bruce Springsteen so I could go as his wife, but no one except me would know who I was if I did that.

Another student said he plans to wear a latex glove with a bloody glove half over it and be OJ Simpson, and he said I could be Nicole Brown Simpson, but I think that one would get me in trouble pretty quickly. (Even though I think it’s hilarious.)

I could reuse a Halloween costume from a few years ago when I went as Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but only girls knew who I was. Guys had NO idea. (And I find it ironic that my “classic” and appropriate-for-school choice would be dressing as an actress who played a high-class prostitute in the role that I was copying her style from. But it was IMPLIED whoring instead of overtly stated whoring, so I guess that’s okay.) And while I like that choice, one of my newspaper kids is also going as Audrey Hepburn, and while she said she doesn’t mind if I do the same thing, I feel bad doing the same thing she’s doing.

So I’m opening this up to the fans of my blog. (Some of whom are in Europe apparently… who are you guys? I’m seriously curious who my Denmark, Germany, and United Kingdom fans are…) Who should I be for Celebrity Day? It has to be at least MOSTLY school appropriate (aka not TOO much cleavage), and something I can do relatively easily (I’m not getting plastic surgery, dying or cutting my hair, or creating a Lady Gaga outfit—and yes, I know I could just drape myself in sandwich meats for that, but I feel like that would smell pretty bad by sixth period, and I’m not sure I’d make it out the door past Rosie in that getup). And no, I’m NOT going as a Republican! So don’t even THINK about any Sarah Palin or Christine O’Donnell suggestions! It’s CELEBRITY Day, not dress like an outspoken idiot day.

PS, if anyone OTHER than Lynnlee gets what the title of this post is referencing, I’m impressed!